The Path to True Happiness: 13 Simple Truths

                

I've been studying Positive Psychology for the last 10 years.  My last, and final, graduate thesis pertained to the plight of happiness in our modern society.  I wanted to learn what it was that truly made folks happy.  Perhaps it was because in studying mental health, I observed a plethora of mental illness related to sadness and unfulfilment with ones' life.  At any given time, over 17 million people in the United States (alone) suffer from major depressive disorder.  That number is astounding!  People seemed to be so quick to announce the causation of their depressive episodes, everything from loss of marriage to unfulfilling work, from physical ailments to dysfunction within their family unit.  

With no shortage of reasons WHY people become depressed, I really wanted to learn the easiest and most common ways to remedy depression, particularly because I am a firm believer that not everyone who is 'sad' needs to be fed a medication.  Sometimes, maybe what an individual needs is a change of mindset!  So, I wanted to learn what it was that actually made people happy.  What is the happiness elixir that we all so desperately search for?   I've poured over hundreds of peer-reviewed studies, read a myriad of magazine articles, devoured documentaries on everything from Yoga to Zen Buddhism, compounded with my actual college courses, in search of this formula for happiness.

During my studies, I have noticed that the same major themes (tried and true methods in conclusive case studies, observations, and research) kept showing up.  I have narrowed them down to a mere list of 13.  These are the 13 most mentioned factors that people have reported to be indicative of a happier, more fulfilling and joyful life.

People from all walks of life, interviewees, common folk as well as the top-tiered professionals, state that these are the true ways to greater happiness:

1.  Get in touch with your true self.  Ask yourself intrinsic questions.  Who are you?  What makes you happy? What's your favorite color?  What do you really love to do?  Answer these questions and make an effort to live in alignment with who you truly are!

2.  Find your 'inner child' again.  Find ways to serve him/her!  You can get reacquainted with your inner child by reflecting backward and analyzing your childhood.  What were your preferences at the age of 8?  What hobbies did you enjoy?  What was your favorite past time?  Brainstorm your childhood and reconnect with some of your most loved childhood activities, movies, hobbies, games.  

3.  Be of service to others.  Find a cause to fight for.  Maybe your life has been touched by breast cancer, then aim to educate others about preventative care.  Perhaps a family member has autism, make it your mission to inform others of this disorder.  Or, maybe you want to volunteer for a cause.  It can something as simple as collecting money for the salvation army or sending yearly christmas cards to the elderly at your local long term care facility.  Or you can teach classes, create fun videos to entertain via youtube, or build your own website.  Just find something in life you can do to serve others (or help others in some way) and throw yourself into it!

4.  Be generous, be kind.  My mom always said 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'  I have always tried to honor this small act of mindfulness.  I also employ random acts of kindness from time to time.  Perform small acts of kindness where you can.  Open the door for someone whose hands are full, smile at a stranger, allow someone to cut in front of you in line.  You can also pay it forward by donating to a cause or offering to anonymously pay for dinner for the person behind you at the drive through.  Don't have anything to give?  A smile is free, so is a compliment.

5.  Stop worrying about what other people think.  There is always going to be someone who doesn't like you...some people decide to like you without even having a reason!  And people are always going to talk and gossip, it's just in the nature of some people to be nasty.  And no matter what you do, people will always judge you.  It isn't your business what others think about you!  Be yourself, live loudly, honor your true self and happiness will find you.

6.  Spread some love!  Be affectionate.  Give a hug.  Send a thank you note.  Give a compliment.  Tell someone 'thank you.'  Let someone ahead of you in line.  Tell people you love them (this might freak a stranger out but I'm sure your friends and family will be happy to hear those words).  Demonstrate love by being open minded, compassionate, and fearless in your mission to spread some love.

7.  Do what you love.  I know I harp on this all the time.  But this time, it came from research!  The happiest people state that they have found the things they love to do, and they find the time to do those things.  It's as simple as that.  What you love will bring you joy.  Joy will bring you happiness. 

8.  Stay curious, never stop learning and seeking new experiences.  New experiences can range from extravagant (taking a trip to a new destination) to the simple (taking a walk around the neighborhood).  New learning can be obtained through simply reading a book on a new topic, learning a new craft or hobby, taking an online class in a subject that interests you.  You can learn by watching documentaries, even conversing with people different than you (different backgrounds, cultures, religions).  An open mind can pave the roadway toward happiness.

9.  Gratitude is a must.  Always be thankful.  Take inventory of all the good things in your life.  A lot of people like keeping a gratitude journal.  Each morning when you wake up, write three things you are grateful for.  At the end of the day, perhaps before bed, get your journal out and write 3 positive things that happened during the day (maybe you had your favorite meal, you visited a friend, you received a gift, etc).  Over a period of time, you will be able to flip back through your gratitude journal and observe a multitude of good in your life.

10.  Find what it is that brings you joy and go get as much of that as you can!  I think this pertains to your passion.  What is your true passion, that thing you do which allows you to totally lose yourself for a while?  I read an article once in an O magazine.  I don't remember the title or any proper specifics (like names, etc).  But I remember the article for the message it gave.  There were several interviews with people who shared their passions.  Some passions were things that were off the beaten path (one man loved canning jellies and jams), other passions were not career or even monetarily related (these individuals made no money from their hobby, but that didn't keep them from enjoying it).  The overall idea left me with the understanding that it's okay to love what it is YOU love.  What YOU love will not be what everyone else loves.  That is because you are an individual and it's YOUR passion.  So, experiment, find what it is that you really love to do, and go do it.  Do those activities/hobbies with fervor.  Do them as often as you can.  Maybe river-water canoeing isn't for everyone, but if YOU love it...then YOU do it!

11.  Overcome your fears.  Fear is a huge catalyst to happiness because it keeps us from doing what we want to do with our lives!  Face your fears head on.  Whatever it is you are scared of, face that fear down!  In psychology we have this thing called reality treatment.  Clients who undergo this treatment are forced to face their fears over and over...until they no longer fear that thing which is crippling them.  It does work.  Do it a little at a time if you must, but don't allow fears to keep you from living a full life.

12.  Focus on what you have.  Some folks are so distracted by 'the next best thing' that they never take the time to actually enjoy what they already have.  What with social media and instagram photos, it's easy to feel as if your life is lacking when you compare your everyday to someone else's glossy, over-glamorized photos.  Make it a goal to look around each day at the great things in your life that you already have.  Be grateful for them, because out there, somewhere, someone is wishing for exactly what you take for granted!

13.  Stop and smell the roses.  While it's great to have goals to work towards, and it's rewarding to check things off our to-do lists, it's also important to take a breather from time to time.  Go slowly, take a deep breath, take note of your surroundings, take a meditative walk.  It is perfectly okay not to always be 'busy.'  Maybe mark an appointment in your calendar each day to get busy doing 'nothing.'  What's a happy and fulfilling life if we never take the time to acknowledge all the good in each day?